My sweet

Tonight as I watched you sleep I couldn't believe how big you were. Where did it all go. Tonight you didn't look like a baby anymore.

But it got me thinking about God's timing. The birth of you in this family was no different. I couldn't imagine my life without you. He placed you in our lives when we were struggling with Korinna's development and you blew through your developmental milestones. If you only knew the peace of mind this gave us and such joy to watch you.

Today you are 9! Wow. What happened? 

 Now I have this little girl who will

always help out. In fact, we have to remind you, a lot, pthat you do not need to bare such a heavy load. 

You are such an avid reader. You love your violin. You also love to put on shows for your family. 

You are my heart Elaina and I am so thankful I get to spend this day with you. Happy Birthday, I Love You and Thank You for being Mine! (And your Daddy's)

The Little Things

"Enjoy the little things in life, for someday you realize they were the big things"

I saw that quote on a pillow on pinterest.  I don't know who it is from but it got me thinking how true that is when it comes to being a parent.  So that is what I thought I would post today, pictures of enjoying the little things. 

Like the smile on Korinna's face when she is riding.

Or that this little guy always asks me to make him a Chocolate Chip Pound Cake for his birthday cake.

That when Joel's sweet hands touch me I get all butterflies and still can't believe he is mine and he is here.  I remember how I ached to feel his touch while we waited on him to come home.

Watching the University of Alabama gymnist practice.

 How difficult it is to get a family picture for a holiday.  This was Easter and the closest we got to a family picture.  I think this is one of about 20 attempts.

I have a feeling these birds will be a story when the kids are older.  I can hear it now as we all sit around the table after sharing our Thanksgiving meal, " You remember that time we got chickens"

 and Josiah was obsessed with them." 

Or I will remember that after I spent all day planting ALL of my planters I found Leila "planting" by picking the flowers our of the yard and putting them in the planters.

 Trains, Trains and more Trains.

 Elaina learning how to do a cartwheel.  She does them everywhere and honestly it reminds me of me.  Ask a brother or one of my parents. 

 Splurging on trendy, cool, totally awesome perscription sunglasses for Rin. By the way totally worth it.

  I have to say that I have discovered that instagram lets me capture so much of our everyday life.  I enjoy being able to snap moments that happen sometimes only so I can remember them later.  I probably overgram but I have plans for those snap shots.  I have found several companies that will let you turn your Instragram photos into everything from pictures, postcards, books and magnets.  I plan on doing some of this for Christmas presents.  So if you follow me on Instagram and you think I post to much now you know why.

To the two I have never met.

I have never met the two of you but I love you and I grieve for you daily.  Especially today. 

 I try to imagine what must have gone through your minds and hearts this day and the days leading up to this desperate event. 

 I also can't imagine the heart ache you felt.  I weep just thinking about the sacrifice you made. He was so very sick with his heart taking up almost his entire chest cavity working so hard.  FIGHTING! And to think that was your only choice in giving him just a chance at hope. 

 I wish I could tell you that God was with him and protected him and provided for him in ways in which only a loving Heavenly Father can.  I wish I could tell you how your son's story crossed more than one country's borders trying to get him well and give him that chance.  I wish I could show you  two how he has blossomed, and grown.

  He is SO loved and we are so honored that God picked us to be his parents.  This God I mention, I pray that if you don't know him that you will learn about him, that someone will share His story with you and that your eyes will be opened to His redemption.  You are not forgotten,  your part in Joel's story has not been forgotten, and I pray that one day we will meet inside the gates of Heaven and I will finally get to embrace you two and tell you how much I love you and thank you for your sacrifice. Even though I have never met you.

 

  

I wanted to be a Nurse.

Did you know that, I wanted to be a nurse.  It is true.  If you would have asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up in Junior High, High School or even 3 years of college I would have answered with, "A Nurse".  But of course that didn't happen.  Ethan and I felt that something else was in store for us so I changed my major and graduated from the Business School. 
But as I sit here tonight I wonder if that urge and craving of a life as a nurse wasn't really true.  Don't I have many of the same responsibilities of a nurse?  Don't I nurture my children?  I take care of boo boo's, and care for them when they are sick.  Now that God has charged me with the care of Rin, I know a lot about how the brain functions and the specifics that Rett Syndrome plays in the brain.  I educate myself on them as often as I can.  I advocate for my patients  kiddos.  I make sure they are taking their meds and follow all of the doctors orders as well as help bring to their attention things that I think they have not noticed.  I watch and sometimes have to chart their bowel movements and have even had to take many poop samples (yay adoption).  I worry about bone density, and muscle problems (are they to tight or to lose).  Because of the addition of Joel I am learning about the cardiovascular system and congenital heart conditions.  Which means I am learning about how they affect the lungs. 
And tomorrow I will wake up and start another educational journey, Gastroenterology.  It is a topic I have been working on for many years.  But tomorrow is the culmination of, well frankly, something that I have been fighting for a long time.  Rin has been battling reflux for years and starting this summer she started to lose weight due to the intensity of the reflux.  We have medicated her reflux, and shoved every protein shake, morsel of food and anything else we thought would put weight on her.  This was vain attempt.  I have watched the sparkle leave her eye as she lives in pain most of her days.  In my selfish nature I talked to Rin about having a fundoplication and a G-tube.  When I asked her in great disdain and sarcasm if she would even want something like this she immediately chose yes.  I stopped in my tracks and my mommy heart started breaking into pieces.  I held back my tears and got my nurse hat.  I explain what this meant and made sure she understood what she was saying.  When I asked her again if this is something she would like to do she again chose, "Yes".  Now we are in a different ball park.  I sat my feelings to the side and began advocating for the thing I had been fighting against. 
So tomorrow my patient, my heart, my love, my first born, the child who daily teaches me grace, dignity, love, perseverance, and what it means to love like Jesus will have a procedure on her perfectly unmarked belly.  This is for her health and I know that.  This is so that the twinkle will come back to her eyes and the pain will go away.  And while I know this isn't in the grand scheme of things this is not the worst thing that could happen it has been something that has been very hard for me.  This is one more time when Rett Syndrome has won and Rin has lost.
Of course I always wanted to be a nurse.  This is just not they way I thought is was going to be.   

Happy Birthday

Dear Joel,
On this day 2 years ago you started your journey on this earth.  A journey that was planned by God.   I pray you always know the great lengths that The Heavenly Father went to protect you, love you and move in the hearts of many to make sure you were loved and cared for. Oh my sweet boy He loves you, He has a purpose for your life and I look forward to being a part of it.  
Last year I celebrated your birthday, I was so full of emotions, I was excited at the promise of a child, I was anxious that it was not me with you, I was sad that I could not bake you your favorite sweet and lavish you with kisses on this very special day. 
Ahhh, but this year I did.  How I loved on you these past few days.  To see you trying to make the number 2 with your fingers and say, "five" and follow it with a giggle.  The happiness your smile brings me. To bake you your favorite goodie.  Which, by the way is, cookies.  You don't know what to do with cake and so cookies and milk was the way to go. 

We had family surrounding you on the first and celebrated you.  You on the other hand, did not know what to do with all of the attention.  You didn't cry but you weren't comfrotable.  Oh, how adorable you looked in your smocked John John.  I. COULD. GOBBLE. YOU. UP. 

As soon as you saw your present from me and Dad you ran across the room and sat in it while Daddy put it together.  You spent most of the night playing in it. 

Today was filled with playing, and singing the "Happy Birthday" song.  When I put you down for your nap I was a little overwhelmed with emotions.  How amazing that I love you so much.  I melted when you looked up and giggled at me.  You are talking up a storm and I love watching you jabber with hand movements and all.  A mere six months ago you didn't even know who I was and what a family was and today you call me "Momma" and come to find me to kiss your booboo's, you find safety in my arms. and know that I will provide all of your needs.  You love your Daddy, LahLah (Elaina) and Yigh Yah (Josiah) they are always great to play with or hold you and Min Min (Korinna) will always let you sit in her lap or hold her hand.  You and Leila are playing more than fighting and that is one of my most precious moments that I get to see. Joel you are loved. You have blossomed and I am speechless at how you grafted into our family.  

We always take the birthday child out to eat for their birthday and today we had take out from Mr. Chen's.  It is hasn't been opened very long in fact it opened while we were in China picking you up.  When we returned home we dined here several times giving you an oppurtunity to have something that you were used to.  It has a special place in our hearts and so to here we went.  I'm sure next year you will have a your own opinion of where you want to go.  That's fine because you are home, in my arms and are mine.

"Beat your plowshares into swords, and your pruning hooks into spears; let the weak say, “I am a warrior.”
Joel 3:10

End of Year

Well, I have been a little MIA these past few months.  We have been really busy.  My feet hit the ground running and the night brings me hope of rest and renewal  for the next day.  This Christmas break I have really tried to stop and review these past couple of months.  I am asking myself how can I simplify? How can I enjoy more and stress less? How can I best serve my family? So that is where I am emotionally.

The other day I was replacing my 2012 calendar with 2013, as I walked it to the trash can I flipped through and noticed that I made a note of every little step we made in the adoption process, and every super big thing the kids accomplished so I turned on my heels and marched that calendar straight to my bedroom and placed it inside Joel's precious memories box. 
Flipping through got me thinking about how much we have done this past year, especially in the past few months that I have not been blogging. So I'm gonna do a slight recap.
 
October was full of running around.  I burned up the streets, running to appointments, lessons, activities therapies and general errands. It was in this month that while loading the dryer it hit me that we were coming up on one year since we had our referral of Joel.  I stood at the counter reading those referrel entries on my blog of our little one and tears just streamed down my face because as I read those entries that little boy was on my hip saying, "Momma", "Momma".  It was beautiful, it was amazing and it was redemption.

referral picture October 2011 and November 2012

November was long, I was starting to feel run down but the excitement of Thanksgiving was uplifting.  I had so much to be thankful for.  We also celebrated one little lady's birthday.  She is the spit fire of the family, full of spunk and a true firecracker.  She says certain words funny like tomorrow is come-Mario and ponytail is panti-tail, bandaid is ban-dan, caterpillar is calir-peeple 

She turned three and wanted a blue birthday party.  That chick is obsessed with the color blue.  So we had blue candied apples, blue tortilla chips, and blue velveet cake.

We had also promised to give her bitty baby twins if she would give up her paci's.  I made this promise in September thinking it was gonna take months to actually succeed in getting her to get rid of her, "precious".  But, I was wrong, a week later they were gone.  (Note to self: be careful about making deals with your children.  Especially if it involves an expensive purchase.) 

We then celebrated Thanksgiving with our families.  This was the first time many of my mother's side met Joel and he was a little overwhelmed and quiet.  He relaxed a little bit when we went to Ethan's mom's house. 

Then on the 29th me and my man celebrated 15 years together.  In those 15 years we have been in 3 states, had  6 moves, 5 children, numerous heart ache, but an abundance of laughter, and love. I couldn't imagine walking this earth these last 5,479 days without him by my side. He is my calm in the storm, my anchor, and he makes me laugh.

We celebrated this event with an evening out together.  Our first full evening out since brining Joel home. He let me get all fancy and took me out to dinner and a show.  Westside story to be exact.  We met up with some friends and it was memorable, to say the least.

December, was a typical wild and crazy month.  It was filled with parties,  a mission trip to Haiti, recitals, advent, cookies, candy, a trip to Mobile, Jesus, Christmas lights, Happy Birthday to Jesus and Happy Birthday to Ethan.

Mobile, AL

 Elaina's recital

Christmas cookies.

Tonight we plan on celebrating Ethan. He is now on his last year in his 30's.  He has planned his evening a nice dinner with friends and I can't wait.  You know when we started 2012 he had never left the country and as we end 2012 he will have traveled to 3 different countries.
 

Mexico in January

 

China in June/July

Haiti in December

So here we are the end of the year and we have been done SO much.  There have been times it has been hectic and I haven't always been patient and kind.  That is something I have learned about myself and that is something that I am bringing to the feet of Jesus this coming year.  But, it has been a joy watching my children grow, a joy watching Joel being grafted into our family, a joy watching my husband's faith grow and a passion for the lost, poverty and the least of these, a joy hearing good news about our sons health, a joy watching Korinna mature and help make decisions on her own healthcare, a joy falling at the feet of Jesus needing Him to feel me with His peace when I am so exhausted and overwhelmed with my job of Mom, a joy being here, serving here, and loving here.  I don't always get it right but I'm learning and I know that God is not finished with me.   

3 months

At this time 3 months ago our sweet little boy was finally put in our arms. I can't believe how far we have come from those first few days and weeks.  So much little personality has blossomed from that little boy.  He continues to show us his tenacity, perseverance and grit.  He is also funny, silly and LOVES his Momma and his YighYah (Josiah). 

He loves any type of bean.  Quickly eats them and then will hand you his plate for you to give him more.  Just know that you don't want to give him beans for lunch and dinner two days in a row unless you are prepared with lots of wipes and diapers. 

 He has crazy hair in the mornings and he likes to wipe his hands off on his hair.  I don't know what to do with these boys.  Josiah likes to wipe his hands off on his shirt.  Ugh! at least Joel's hair doesn't stain.

He didn't come home with a paci but finds Leila's funny.  He has started interacting with her a little more and accepting her as a friend.

 What a long way we have come.  When we first got home he would scream the whole time he was in the car.  It was exhausting.  Now he can turn any round object into a steering wheel and the child's size john deer gator is his favorite.

 This relationship has truly grown leaps and bounds.  I will have to give the credit to Leila.  She has refused to give up and has not been phased by his aloofness while he has started learning who and what is a family. 

And her perseverance has paid off.  Two weeks ago he started hugging her.

We are back in school full swing, as well as all of activities are back in session.  This has been a juggling act for sure.  We are slowly finding our new normal and really enjoying this new little personality in our family.  He keeps us laughing and he keeps us busy. 

We go tomorrow for his heart cath.  This should be a very long day for us and I am already praying for quick, easy and no surprises.  I am also praying that Joel's will be secure with me and not frightened.