If you didn't read my last post I am bringing you guys up to speed on our lives particularly on the adoption front. So if you need to catch up go here.
We returned to the car and started home and I started a great debate in my head. Maybe I should check my phone one more time for a confirmation email from IAC or maybe I am being ridiculous and I should just go about my life and let it be. You and I both know I checked my email. There it was. One of the doctors had gotten back with us and let us know that they were reviewing the file but because of the heart condition they had forwarded it to a cardiologist. As I informed E of the email, I knew it was possible that it could be tomorrow before we would know anything. There just was no way it could all get done. An immediate peace washed over me and I knew I would and could wait.
Upon arrival back home we started the evening routine. Time easily slipped by with all of the busy that takes place in our home. Before I knew it children were in their beds and E and I had sat down for the evening. My phone rang and to my surprise one of the doctors from the clinic was on the other end. The next few minutes were intense and the spiritual warfare had begun. Basically, this little guy’s heart condition could have a lot of variables. Best case scenario, he was not gonna be a track star. Worst case, his heart would get to tired and wear down. The next step would be a heart transplant. We were also told 25% of children on the transplant list do not receive a heart. I don’t know what really to say. I could barely hear over the what if’s going through my mind. Then, just like that the conversation was finished. Some last nuts and bolts about the process, a question about which way we were leaning and then she left me with her cell number in case we needed her help.
During this call Leila woke up and seemed very frustrated calling out for me and E and I can honestly say I felt the same way. In my heart I was calling out to my Heavenly Father for help and comfort. Ethan and I were overwhelmed. We got Leila settled down and then prayed to God for this child and then for our part in the child's life. E and I have a very yin/yang type of relationship. E was on one road and I on another. To some this can seem confusing and frustrating all on it’s on but over the years we have learned how to navigate better (not perfect just better and with more respect). Approaching a problem this way has allowed us to see problems that we might not have seen on our own. There were many unanswered questions with this little guy, there was stress of our selfish ideas clashing with the faith we were being asked to have.
You see in the beginning we signed our names to a medical condition form. We discussed, prayed , researched the different medical conditions that we were open to in a referral. We knew God wanted us to be able to protect our children, all of our children, including our 5th child. We also knew we have limitations and want to be fair to all of our children, this means we were trusting God for his will to be done in our lives and asking him to help not abandon a child for selfish comfort reasons. We confidently and peacefully drew the line at adding any extra lifting and hopefully being able to live independently when in adulthood. We had said okay God we are willing to be given something hard and now we are faced with the reality of it. We had to step in faith, again and trust this was the will of our good and sovereign God. We retired for the evening our hearts heavy with the knowledge of a little boy half way across the world, one who needed a mom and dad to love him.
My first thoughts when I woke up was of that sweet little guy I had seen yesterday. Already part of my heart was in China with him. I spent some quiet time in God's word and in prayer this morning. I felt different this morning, there was such peace in my heart. I had an ease in my step. The confidence that I was taken care of and provided for. It was all still hard, that had not changed, but I knew that my hesitations were not biblical. My God had never questioned my health when He adopted me nor did He debate my faith as He sent His Son to die for my sins. I knew where I stood and now I waited with baited breath for E to weigh in.
E woke up with indecision. When E is making decisions he is quieter than usual and he was almost mute. He spent the morning reading his Bible, and seeking wise counsel. Then it happened. His phone started ringing, emails started flying, boss needed reports, and costumers needed things ASAP. His work world was totally pulling him away from thoughts of China. I can honestly say it was one of the busiest days he has had in the past six months. He couldn't stop work to eat, or talk and the time was ticking by. I entered his office to grab some things and asked him to find a stopping point so we could talk. I smiled to myself as I left his office. I could almost see the evil of this world swirling around his head trying to disrupt this decision. Confirmation! I knew this was my child. Thirty minutes later, I returned to E's office. He is overwhelmed and I ask him, "What do you want me to do?"
As he swivels in his chair I am so thankful. I can see it on his shoulders. He is a man of great character he takes his job of leader of our household seriously. That day he was wearing it on his broad shoulders. "Send it all in." , was all he replied. Thank you God for this man's heart!